Mr. Frog, It’s Not You, It’s Me

Le Fou Frog, I wanted to get something out of the way right up front.  It’s not you; it’s me.  It is on me that our time together was maybe not what I had been hoping.  After all, I chose to spend my entire day before coming to dine with you walking about on my feet.  I am not a particularly in shape person, so this was a mistake.  When I came to you, I was already broken and that is not on you.  Furthermore, it is on me that I made reservations so late that I was stuck with a table out in the middle of the floor and not in a quiet, cozy booth with the romantic drapes.  I get that you never promised I would be the only one and others came to you sooner than I did.  That’s on me, as well, Mr. Frog (you don’t mind if I refer to you as Mr. Frog, do you?).  All this being said, though, I do have to say that our time together was not what I had been hoping and for that, I am heartbroken.

Before I get into the issues that caused our relationship to crumble and pull us apart, I feel I should bring up the good things that we had together.  Quite simply, Mr. Frog, your food is really good.  It all started with the onion soup.  It was a fairly standard, but well executed bowl of deep onion flavor and gooey cheesy goodness that I look for in my soups of the French persuasion.  It was served in what I believe is the traditional stone bowl and had a nice thick layer of cheesy crust on top.  If I have one complaint about this soup, though, it was that the croutons did not stand out very much, so lacked the crunch factor.  Other than that, we were off to a great start.  

For my appetizers, I went with the bone marrow foie gras and the baked brie en croute.  My memories of this time with you are nothing but positive.  The baked brie arrived first and was served melted inside a puffy pastry.  The cheese and soft pastry dough melded together so that I could not really tell where one ended and the other began.  It made for a delicious first appetizer and I was beginning to fall for you, Mr. Frog.

The second appetizer was an interesting dish that consisted of foie gras served on top of two pieces of bone which allowed it to move down and mingle with the marrow.  The two substances worked together to create a rich, fatty flavor and velvety smooth texture that enveloped m y taste buds and then melted away.  As is typical, it was a small portion, but was so big on the flavor that it was well worth the price tag.  It was during this appetizing experience that I started to consider that you might be the one; so exquisite was the time we had spent together.  

However, this is where things began to break down between us.  After the appetizers were served, it took a rather long time for our entrees to arrive.  It was during this wait that my wife (yeah, Mr. Frog, you weren’t the only one in my life either) and I began to notice the amount of noise around us.  When we had first arrived, there were not a lot of people in the small, dimly lit dining room.  It made for a cozy first impression.  There were beautiful, yet sleek and unassuming strings of lights giving the room a romantic ambiance.  The tables were all small and made of wood, giving it a rustic feel as well.  As soon as the room began to fill with other patrons, however, the noise levels became distracting.  The other thing I began to notice was how uncomfortable the chair was.  This was why I had brought up the fact that I had done a lot of walking that day.  I had been coming to the restaurant looking to relax and give my legs a break.  However, underneath the small table there was a disproportionately large supporting base.  As the chair was also on the small side, it left very little room for my legs, so I either had to stick them straight out or tuck them beneath the chair.  Neither option felt right and the latter was downright painful.  It was at this time, Mr. Frog, that I became envious of your other relationships.  They were all seated in either half booths, or full booths.  The full booths, in particular, looked cozy and inviting and had eloquent drapes to create a private little enclosure.  I had accepted, Mr. Frog, that there were others, but in that moment, I was feeling like you treated me differently than you treated them.  

Perhaps the uncomfortable seating and distracting noise levels would not have been as big of a deal, if it had not been taking so long for our food to come.  Now, I know good things take time and I did not want to rush what we had together.  However, I saw other people who had come in after us getting their food already.  One other couple came in after us, received their food and were gone before our entrees made it to the table.  I know this was partially on me.  We did not order our main dishes the first time the waitress had asked for our orders.  We started with the soup and then the appetizers.  However, we had produced our entree orders before our appetizers had arrived and the waitress even held the foie gras so that it would arrive only shortly before the entrees.  Somehow, though, the main course did not get to us until a good twenty minutes after we had finished with the second appetizer.  

Fortunately, the reluctant main dishes did finally arrive and I was hoping we could get back on track.  I tried to put our little rough patch behind us and focus on the good that we still had; namely, the food that was now before us.  However, immediately I noticed something was off.  For my entree, I had ordered the duck.  I had put a lot of thought into this.  The only thing is, I had been trying to decide between the lamb and the kangaroo.  The deciding factor had been that the kangaroo came with wild rice and I have never been much of a fan of wild rice.  However, when I placed my order, I said duck (which I had also seen on the menu and briefly considered) instead of lamb.  This was totally on me; I should have looked back at the menu to refresh my memory before placing the order.  The thing is, this would not have been a big deal, except that the duck, like the kangaroo, came with wild rice.  

I am afraid, Mr Frog, that this was the irrevocable action that led to us not working out.  If we had made it through the rough patch and came out on the other side to an amazing main course, I think we would have been a match made in heaven.  But, through my carelessness I was left with duck and wild rice.  Do not get me wrong, the duck was amazing.  It was perfectly cooked and coated in cracked black pepper.  This gave it a nice crispy crust and a perfectly fleshy inside.  It was also served with a super sweet raspberry sauce that added more depth to its already rich flavor.  The vegetables that came with it were a nice added bonus, as well.  The little baked tomatoes burst in my mouth and filled it with flavor.  All the time, though, there, sitting on the plate was the dang wild rice.  I did try it; I even wanted to like it.  Perhaps you would be the one to show me the alluring qualities of wild rice.  Alas, that was not to be.  The wild rice tasted dry and overcooked.  I am sure it was prepared exactly as wild rice ought to be, but that is how it always ends up tasting to me.  

Then, it was time for dessert.  But dessert between two beings that have already drifted apart is no dessert at all.  We looked over the dessert menu.  I am sure it all would be delicious, but at that point, whatever spark we had was gone.  My wife and I both agreed that there was nothing on there that looked especially interesting and we were ready to get going.  I had a long day and my legs could not take any more of this.  It was then, Mr. Frog that we parted ways.  I could not leave things like that, though and that is why I wrote to you.  I needed you to know that in all sincerity, it was not you, it was me.  Though, maybe it was a little bit you.