Tornadoes, Tacos, and Generic Menus (A story of Johnny’s Tavern)

This was going to be a review for Guy Fierie’s Dive and Taco Joint.  So, let’s start with that.  It was a Tuesday night, but even so, the place was surprisingly empty.  Maybe it was the purported Tornado making its way towards the city.  That would explain the host’s warning about the possibility of having to retreat underground if the sirens go off.  We were there for some Guy inspired tacos, though, so we were unfazed.  Until the sirens went off two minutes into our reading of the menu.  

Can Tacos, any tacos, be worth having to bunker down five levels below the ground while you wait out a tornado that may have already ravaged nearby towns?  I mean; it wasn’t fun being down there.  It was hot, not the good sunshiney hot, but the “there is no air flow in this place” kind.  On top of that, we had not even been able to order drinks yet, so unlike our fellow bunker dwellers, we did not have large glasses of alcohol lubricant with which to wet our throats.  But, if the tacos are good, then sure, it can be worth it.  

So were they?  Well, we never were able to find out.  Once the sirens stopped and we emerged back into the still rainy, but less “tornadoey” night, Guy’s place was still closed.  And they were not to open again that night.  I know, because I asked the musician who had been playing there that night, as he waited to get his instruments out of the locked up restaurant.  

So, we walked around the block, looking for a place brave enough to re-open.  What we found was Johnny’s Tavern.  I had not heard of this place before.  After all, I am pretty new to Kansas City and it’s extensive eateries.  Johnny’s is a local place, with almost a dozen locations throughout the city and surrounding area, including Lawrence, where it all started.  

It offers a pretty eclectic menu, not atypical of the bar/tavern/pub category of restaurants, but it seems the burgers are what it prides itself the most on.  Specifically, the menu calls out Johnny’s 78 Classic, so named for the year the place was taken over by local rugby players and they started grilling the classic.  So, is the 78 Classic any good?  I don’t know.  It sounded a little plain to me, so I looked elsewhere.  I understand the allure of simplicity in food; I do.  I just do not feel that allure myself.  The menu says, “Burger –American Cheese – Bun – ‘Nuff said!”  No; not “nuff said.”  I need a lot more said.  At least take the space on the menu to talk about the quality of the patty or something.  

The rest of the menu is made up of wings, wraps, sandwiches, pizzas, and entrees.  It’s a lot.  Again, this is typical of this style of restaurant, but I want to look at a menu and know right away what a place thinks of itself.  What is the identity of the place?  Johnny’s is already off to a rough start with the name.  Naming your place after a person (in this the case, the name of the man who started it) is one thing, but if your name is John ( a good name, but let’s be frank, a common one), you have to add a little something.  My name is Justin.  If I ever started a restaurant, I can’t just call it Justin’s and not just because I will get sued by the boot company.  So, we have a generic name, a menu that at first glance does not have much of an identity.  But is the food any good?

Yes, the food was good.  For our starters we ordered the Skins and Buffalo Chicken Dip.  The skins were pretty standard looking, but came with a dill sauce, so I thought it sounded interesting.  I do not usually think of pickles and potatoes as going together.  And I will always be down to try a dip with some kick to it.  I think we made good choices.  The dill sauce was good and the dip had some kick, as advertised.  But it was not all that memorable.  Neither stood out as a reason I needed to come back, or something I’d go around telling people about.  You know, not counting in this blog.  

For my entree, I knew I needed to try one of the burgers.  Despite the onslaught of menu categories and the blase tone the menu presented it all with, it was at least clear that the burgers were the thing to try.  As mentioned before, I passed over the classic, almost forgetting it existed immediately after reading the description.  What I landed on was the Tank 7 Melt.  Like I mentioned earlier, I am new to Kansas City, but I am familiar with the Tank 7 from Boulevard.  The menu described the burger as having Tank 7 cheese sauce.  Already this is a step above the Classic.  See, the Classic comes with American cheese, but the Tank 7 comes with beer cheese and let’s be honest, beer cheese is the real American cheese.  Besides the cheese, which already was “nuff said,” was some onion straws, bacon, and a side of “Wilson Sauce.”  Presumably it was served on the side because it was for my fries.  I don’t know.  The whole thing was served on Texas Toast and the menu said I could add jalapenos for a kick, so you know I added those jalapenos.  

I am pleased to report, the burger was fantastic.  The cheese sauce gave it something the menu forgot to, or did not care to mention: character.  But, it was not just the cheese sauce that made this burger.  The texas toast was perfectly grilled and using onion straws instead of just sauteed onions gave the melt its onion flavor without turning the toast into a soggy mess.  I love sauteed onions on a lot of things, but if not done right, they take a melt from melty to soupy real quick.  With this burger, they sidestepped this potential disaster by using crispy onion straws.  And those jalapenos provided the kick the menu purported they would and I was happy about that.  

I just wish the food on the whole was more memorable and a menu that seemed more excited to tell me about the food would have been a good start towards that end.  All things considered, Johnny’s Tavern was a pretty forgettable place, unfortunately.  The burger was good, but the menu was a directionless catch all and there was no passion in the dry way it described its contents.  I would expect a place with such history to not only know what it is, but to know how to tell me and make me want to be a part of it.  As it stands, I will likely never be back to Johnny’s; not because the food was bad, but because I cannot think of a compelling reason to trturn.  That is, of course, unless I am chased back into it by another tornado.

The “B”eer side.  

In each post, I plan to talk a little about the adult beverage offerings each place has.  If you’re not into this part, you can just read the post above.  But, if you’d like to know what’s on tap, figuratively and literally when applicable, then this section is a good compliment to the main post.

Johnny’s Tavern’s name tells me exactly one thing about the place and that is that it is a tavern.  This means beer, so let me take some time to talk about the beer experience.  To be honest, I do not remember much about the beer list, which suggests that it was pretty run of the mill.  So, my remarks here will focus more on the experience of ordering it, rather than the beer list itself.  When we first arrived, I ordered a beer from the bar.  I went with the Boulevard Tank 7, which is a great beer, but pretty much every bar and restaurant in Kansas City carries it.  It is like I imagine Coors Lite is in Denver, if Coors Lite had excellent flavor instead of tasting like water.  

Once we were seated, I let the waitress know that I had ordered a drink from the bar and asked if it could be combined with our ticket for the table and she said, “Sure.”  I had one more beer while we ate dinner and then it was time for our check.  When the waitress brought it to us, only my second beer was on the check.  I thought about asking the waitress, but decided to just hunker over to the bar and pay my tab there, for the first beer.  It worked out, but in a bar/restaurant combo, I expect the two experiences to flow better.